Neonatology

I want to become a doctor. I am afraid of applying. I had a bad experience once; let me explain. During my "bonus" year of college, I participated in the Pre-Health Advisory Program Pre-Interview Process, which is nothing more than a long name for "mock medical school admissions" program. The process consisted of filling out the mother-of-all applications- an almost exact copy of the AAMC application- and participation in an interview with the Pre-Health Advisory Board, headed by Dr. Pamela Hathorn (who HATES me).

The application...
The packet itself took me almost two weeks to finish, then I had to write the essay. I have never had writer's block so bad in my entire life as I did when I sat down to write my medical school admissions essay. I wrote one, finally. It was crap.

The interview...
Let's just say it felt like being bound to the Great Stone Table and having the Jadis herself stab me in the heart with a crooked dagger, all while having to answer such ridiculous questions as "What would you tell an 80-year old patient who wanted to get pregnant?" And, "There is no possible way you can get into medical school; why are you even bothering to try?"

And so I died. Or at least, my strength and will and pursuit of my dream died. I have yet to be ressurected, but the beginning of a re-birth is stirring in my soul.

Emily is a wonderful nurse. A talented and compassionate Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU: pronounced nick-you) nurse. She helps struggling little babies survive their rocky starts, and comforts the ones who are bound to return to Jesus. She loves them all. What a truly beautiful endeavour, to provide life and love to those in need. To put it plainly, that is what I want - to feel worthwhile. To feel that what I do has a positive impact on some small part of the world, to some small percent of humanity. And so, a fire in my heart-of-hearts is rekindled. God-willing, the strength, passion and dedication necessary for action will follow suit.